Monday, August 13, 2012

Creepiness

So the good Captain posted some advice about dealing with creepiness and rapeyness, which are two adjoining spaces on the map of social interactions with a wide and fuzzy border.  Then she posted this really nice bit of advice for avoiding being creepy, which is nice!

I started recollecting on all the times I've been crept on, and it kind of makes me sad.

The majority of my stories can be lumped into one of two categories.



CATEGORY 1:  PIRACY

I live in Tampa, which has this weird pirate culture going on.  I am also a small child in my heart, and I love playing dress up, so over the years I've gotten involved with the scene.  I now own two lovely bodices which I adore.

Bodices, though, tend to emphasize the cleavage region.  And creepers gonna creep. I have a whole lot of stories that begin "I was at an event in my pirate outfit..." and end with "... ew.  So creepy."

So many boob-starers.  Uninvited hugs or kisses or ass-grabs or biting (!).  Lewd comments.  Once someone told my then-boyfriend that he'd fuck me if I weren't taken.  (Uh, hi!  Do I get a say in this?  Because no.  Ew.  No.)  These stories are split about evenly between non-costumed normies who apparently don't realize that a person in a costume is still a person, and other people in costume who don't even have that trifling excuse.

CATEGORY 2:  MEN WHO I AM ACTIVELY TRYING TO SEX

I'm a slut, right?  By that I mean, I like partnered sex a lot, and I do regularly seek sexual partners, and my romantic relationships tend to involve sex very early on.  I've done Craigslist Casual Encounters.  I've picked guys up from bars.  I've had more than a handful of one-night stands.

Liking sex doesn't mean I like creepiness though.  If a guy I'm attracted to asks me if I wanna fuck, and if I wanna fuck (which is like 85% of the time), I will not hesitate to hop right up on it.

But that whole 'asking me' thing, more often than not, doesn't actually happen with dudes.  More often, a guy will signal that he wants sex by doing the passive-aggressive grope maneuver while making out or cuddling.

Dudes: snaking a hand towards an erogenous zone under false pretenses so you maintain plausible deniability if I'm not into it is not sexy.  Being comfortable with sex and using sexy words is sexy.  Even if you're going to do the sneaky-groping-game, a well-placed "May I?" right before the actual groping happens is always appreciated.

I'm embarrassed to say that I haven't always called these dudes out on it, because these do tend to be dudes with whom I actively want sexytimes.  I've started saying more about it though, because the sexytimes that follow tend to be the boring scripted sort:
  1. It is night-time and we are either in bed or watching TV
  2. He initiates kissing
  3. He touches my boobs for a while
  4. He fumbles around my downstairs for a while
  5. (Optional:  Oral sex is performed)
  6. Penetrative sex commences
  7. (Optional:  We switch positions.  Standard positions include and are almost always limited to missionary, cowgirl, and doggy-style.  This step may be repeated.)
  8. (Optional:  I have an orgasm)
  9. He ejaculates
  10. (Optional, but more likely if 8 didn't happen:  He assists me with an orgasm.)
  11. Sleep
BO-RING.  Usually around step 2, but surely by step 3, I can already predict exactly how this is going to go down, and that takes about half the sexiness out of sex.  I want some ooh's and aah's when I get down, and I don't get that when we're running down the Itemized Intercourse Checklist.

TL;DR:

Creeping is gross.  Don't creep.  Even on ladies who are displaying lots of cleavage.  Clicky the linky for tips on how to accomplish this!

Consent check-ins with someone who is already kissing you is both easy and sexy.  Don't be boring in bed!

No comments:

Post a Comment